I don't know why he loves me

Sometimes I have one of those days. Those days when, for no good reason, I just can't seem to get anything right. The kind when it seems the harder I try to be positive and upbeat, the more things seem to go wrong and bring me down. Before I know it, there I am, frustrated, irritable and generally angry with myself for being so negative and whiney.

Christians aren't supposed to feel that way, right? Wrong! We are still all too human. Even Jesus gave in to despair. But that is, in a nutshell, our saving grace. Jesus understands me even when I don't (maybe especially when I don't) understand myself. And Jesus loves me, especially when I cannot, will not, love myself. When I can't find the words to pray for help, the Spirit within me groans for his grace and mercy. My Savior reaches in, lifts me up and warms me with his presence. He brings me back to life, to him, back to life in him. Back to the foot of the cross, where I lay my burdens down and find peace.

As I considered my blog entry today, a line from a song kept rolling around in my head: "I don't know why he loves me." I couldn't remember the rest of it so I googled it. It's a song by Adrea Crouch, "I Don't Know Why Jesus Loved me."

I don't know why Jesus loved me
I don't know why He cared
I don't know why He sacrificed His life
Oh, but I'm glad, so glad He did

He left His mighty throne in glory
To bring to us redemption's story
Then He died but He rose again
Oh, but I'm glad, so glad He did.

Where would I be if Jesus didn't love me?
Where would I be if Jesus didn't care?
Where would I be if He hadn't sacrificed His life
Oh, but I'm glad, so glad He did
Oh, but I'm glad (so glad), so glad He did

Thank you Jesus, for loving me when I am unlovable, for understanding me when I don't understand myself. Thank you for sending your Spirit to guide me back to the cross, back to your side, where once again I am washed in the blood of the lamb, made new and each time, I pray, made more in your image. Amen.