Wow. I haven't blogged in a long time. I don't know why I put it off, except that I am a procrastinator extraordinaire. A lot has been happening. Life has been happening. I've been really busy. You know the drill. But a lot of things have been calling me back to this practice lately. I say "a lot of things," but it is really one thing. One voice. The voice of the Holy Spirit. From deep inside where the Spirit listens but I don't talk and it speaks but I don't listen. Today I am listening and I am trying to use my words.
This morning Jerry and I were having a conversation about listening and using words on the short drive home from the gym. As I stated above, I'm not good at either, but I was really trying. I've been praying for God to help me be a more intentional listener, communicator and "be-er" as opposed to a "do-er." As we pulled into the garage and I turned off the ignition, I turned to him and said, "I'm here, I'm talking and I'm listening." Such a simple statement, but for me, a huge statement. I think it was what I needed to say and what he needed to hear. An answered prayer? Yes, but with God is it ever that simple?
I'm reading Brian McLaren's Finding Our Way Again: The Return of the Ancient Practices. It's very thought provoking and I'm just three chapters in. At the end of Chapter Two it poses this question: "If your relationship with God was a marriage, how would you describe things to a marriage counselor? What would a better, happier marriage look like?" I suppose I could take issue with the fact that they seem to assume my relationship needs to be better or happier, if it were not true. Unfortunately, I have to face my responsibility on both counts. I love my husband very much, but I am not a good, intentional communicator. I get antsy when the discussion is about something I can't fix or solve, or if I realize the dryer has stopped and I need to get the clothes out before they get wrinkled and...what were you saying? So what would I say would make a better, happier marriage, in reality as well as representative of my relationship with God? It is that I be a better listener, a committed listener, a focused, deliberate communicator. I have to show up, be present and listen attentively, ignoring all the stuff the world would put in the way. I'm here, I'm listening and I'm sharing my thoughts. In that order.
Thank you Holy Spirit for your never-ending inspiration and patience when I have the attention span of a gnat. Help me to stay tuned into your still small voice and control my impulse to drift in and out of awareness. Oh, and thank you for my sweet husband and I ask continued blessing on our relationship too. In Christ's Holy Name, amen.
