"Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. ~ 2 Corinthians 12: 8-10 (NIV)
I've been intending to continue my blog after Easter, but have never gotten "a round tuit." Today at lunch, I checked my Facebook and my daughter had shared a conversation with her 10 year old son last night. It was so sweet. It inspired me to share it and to share my response to them both.
Tonight the boys were doing their usual to get ready for bed while I was bathing Melanee. However, when I got ready to tuck the boys in for bed, Hunter was already in the bed listening to his iPod. I, of course, did my normal thing where I waltz in and fuss at him for not having already brushed his teeth and put his retainer in when I noticed his eyes looked a little glassy. I asked him what was wrong, sure I already knew the answer and ready to ready to fuss at him for having not done something he was supposed to have, I waited for him to muster his voice enough to speak (with my arms folded and a sour look on my face I am sure). When he finally made an attempt to speak, all he could do was wipe the tears off his chin. Starting to feel as though I may have jumped the gun, and something may really be wrong--after all, he was still recovering from pneumonia--I uncrossed my arms and tried to relax my face a bit. Finally, he was able to get a sentence out: "When you were still in the bathroom, Melanee came in my room and stuck her tongue out at me twice and was being really mean for no reason." My first instinct was to let him know I thought he was overreacting to his 4 year old sister, but I resisted and waited for more to follow. He looked down and more tears fell. Then he looked up at me as if he was questioning me and said it reminded him of earlier that morning on the church bus. I wondered what he could be talking about. Had Melanee done that to another child on the church bus? I was beginning to feel a little humiliated when he said he was the target of ridicule from other kids on the bus. He thought Melanee must have gotten it from them. I sat down on his bed as he shared with me the mean things they had said. He was truly hurt, and I was feeling awful for my reaction to him. I hugged him and told him not to listen to anything theyt had said because none of it was true. I tried to take all the pain away the best I could, then I made Melanee come and apologize to her brother. She made him laugh because she apologized first and when I asked her what she had done, she looked at me and asked, "Did I hit him?" We both got a kick out of that.
Kids can be cruel, even the ones that love us most. I have to be prepared to pick up the pieces a little more often and not so quick to make an even bigger mess. That feeling was even more gratified when he told me he was looking at his picture board of all the pictures and I was always smiling in them. He said I never smile anymore except every once in a while when I'm with one of my friends or if I'm smiling for a picture. I had to really think about that for a second. Of course my reply was, "That's not true, I smile all the time." He said, "Well, I never see you smile." That really broke my spirit. It humbled me to see how busy I've become and how preoccupied with everything else, that I've forgotten to have fun WITH my kids, not just making sure they are having fun. So we made a deal and I made him pinky promise that we will do whatever it takes so that we are both smiling more often!
Just thought I needed to share that with you guys, so I can have some accountability checkers on our side. Let's get smiling! I love you all!
What a precious moment to share. It made me recall similar conversations with both my daughters. Angie was much less likely to show, much less share her feelings. When she did I knew it was important. I know there were probably more times than I'll ever know when I might have missed the signs and the opportunities for those important exchanges. We all get so caught up in the daily busyness of life that we don't share or smile as often as we should. We focus on the stones in our path that make us stumble, and don't lift our eyes to appreciate all the blessings and joys God gives us every day. It's easy to get caught in that cycle of being stressed. We bring everyone around us down and we let others bring us down even further. We allow the joy to be sucked out of us and pretty soon we lose our ability to pull ourselves out of the muck and mire of negativity we're wallowing in.
I'm glad Angie had this reminder to connect and smile with her children. But I would add a reminder to this experience. Yes, by all means teach them how to connect with you, but more importantly, teach them how to connect with God. Teach them to take their worries and cares to Jesus and lay them down at the foot of the cross. Teach them to trust in his unconditional love, his grace and his mercy. Teach them love him and to see themselves as Jesus sees them, not as the world sees them. Imperfect but loved all the more because of their imperfections. We strive to be perfect and can never hope to achieve it. Jesus, who was perfect in every way, chose to live as one of us, to experience imperfection, pain, suffering and even death. Why? So he could be there for us in our darkest day, knowing what we feel and enabling us to rise above it. Our weakness creates in us the need for his power, the need to connect with him, the need for a relationship with him.
And Hunter, one final note: I can't carry a tune in a bucket, and for many, many years I wouldn't sing loud enough for anyone else to hear me. My brothers always made fun of me and it really impacted me. I never sang in the choir at church, and I love to sing to the Lord! I love all the old hymns like "I Love to Tell the Story," I love new, contemporary Christian songs like Amy Grant's "Better Than a Hallelujah," I love silly songs like "Jesus is the Rock and He Rolls my Blues Away, I love songs of praise and worship and songs of suffering and sacrifice like "There is a Balm in Gilead." And you know what I finally realized? Jesus doesn't care what my voice sounds like. He listens to what is in my heart, and when I open it up in song, prayer, tears or smiles, he hears a song that is perfectly beautiful music to his ears.
